Identity Crisis
by Lacrimosa Cruentus Luna
Summary: Dr. Barlow and Count Volger are locked in a closet and our favorite count finds himself suffering through somewhat of an identity crisis. Meanwhile, Alek finds that his best friend has a similar problem...


**So, I wrote this, like, forever ago and it was just sitting on my computer. Then I had my little brother read it because he loves the **_**Leviathan**_** books and he liked it so here it is!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Leviathan or Behemoth. And when Goliath comes out, I won't own that one either. It all goes to Scott Westerfield. **

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><p>Alek was bored. He was also extremely hungry due to the fact that Dylan had forgotten to bring him his dinner. To make matters worse, Alek had the feeling Dylan was hiding something from him which was completely unfair, not just because the Austrian boy had shared all of his secrets with his supposedly best friend, but because Alek was sure that Count Volger was in on whatever Alek was not being told.<p>

All of these factors combined urged him to steal out of his room and pay a visit to a certain count and harass the man until he had some actual answers.

As it turned out, however, there was no need for sneaking as Alek's guard had been lifted. This came as both a relief and an insult to Alek: a relief because he wasn't that brilliant of a sneaker anyway, but an insult because it implied that the Darwinists (rightfully) underestimated him!

With Bovril on his shoulder being dead quiet, Alek made off in the direction of Count Volger's room. He received some pointless satisfaction in the knowledge that Volger's room had also been left unguarded.

He put extra care into being perfectly silent in his last few steps toward the door. Like everything else appeared to be, this was entirely unnecessary which he discovered upon hearing two loud voices coming from inside. Alek doubted he could've been heard even if Bovril had been mimicking a whole zoo of creatures.

"I'll tell everyone," the count was saying.

"No you won't," Dylan hissed back. Even on the other side of the door, Alek could hear the boy's voice crack, making him sound almost like…a girl. But he ignored it because what he now knew for certain was that Volger and Dylan shared a secret.

"And why," Volger said icily, "might you think that?"

"Because if you tell people that I'm a girl, it'll reach Alek," Dylan replied triumphantly. "And you have no way of knowing how he's going to respond to it! I've wanted to tell him for ages, but see me, I can hold my tongue! Well, mostly anyway."

"_Mr. _Sharp," Bovril chortled quietly.

Alek's brain seemed to explode. Dylan? A girl? Impossible. But the more he thought about it, the more the pieces fell into place. Dylan—was that even her name?—never changed in front of anyone as far as Alek knew. And how she reacted on the subject of Lilit and her affections…even Lilit knew! Alek suddenly recalled the way she'd parted, saying, "I know you better than you think, _Mr. _Sharp."

"_Mr. _Sharp," Bovril repeated softly as if reading Alek's thoughts. God's wounds! Even the fabricated creature knew!

Was Alek really the only one who didn't know? He was sure Dr. Barlow would've figured it all out by now, being the clever woman she was. But no. If everyone knew, Dylan wouldn't even be _on_ the _Leviathan. _What was she even doing on the flying warship?

_Flying. _Alek's green eyes widened. Was she really mad enough do throw herself in the midst of war just to fly?

Well, of course she was.

One thing Alek was certain of was that Dylan's secret truly was one big enough for the count to be gloating about. Just like him to find out something that could ruin her life and flaunt it over her head like—wait. How _did _Volger know that she was a she and not a he?

For one wild moment, Alek envisioned the count somehow managing to see Dylan (or whatever her name was) naked as the day she was born. It brought another completely unexplainable surge of something that he could not place through him. Alek told himself it was caused by his dinner, forgetting entirely that he hadn't had anything to eat for hours.

"And how do you suppose he would react, Miss Deryn Sharp?"

So that was her name.

There was no reply to this for a long time as if the reminder that she was not a boy struck her like a physical blow.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Deryn (it felt so _off_ to not think of his friend as Dylan the boy) said in a voice so low Alek barely heard it. "Because I know another one of your more dangerous secrets."

That was the final straw. Dyl—Deryn knew things about Count Volger that Alek didn't, too? What, were_ they _secret best friends now? Did she mean it when she said she'd wanted to tell him but didn't for his own good?

Finally, the shock wore off and cold bitterness replaced it, settling deep within Alek's core. He turned around and walked back to his room, barely aware of anything but the dark feelings welling up, growing more and more like a wave of blackness inside of him.

There had been millions of chances for _Deryn _to share the tidbit of information that her whole identity was a lie. But she had said nothing. Betrayal swelled up, overtaking everything else.

Maybe he should spill her secret, tell it to everyone. After all, none of his mattered anymore. Everyone knew who was held captive on the _Leviathan._ And the paper pronouncing him heir to the throne may just be useless with the pope dead. So what did she have compared to him? They'd strip her of the ability to fly. She would go back to skirts like a normal girl should. It's not like they would hang her because—

"Oh," Alek said aloud. It came out as a soft, stunned sound and he realized he was back in his room about the same time he realized that she was going to tell him. She almost had.

Before Istanbul, when she first told him about the captain's orders to spy on him, she had been able to explain why they wouldn't hang her when Dr. Barlow walked in. But what about after that? She still had so many chances.

_I wanted to tell him for ages..._

"And what's she so afraid of?" Alek demanded, scowling at Bovril.

"Afraid," Bovril murmured.

"It isn't like she hasn't done a million and two completely mad things already!" Alek began to pace. "Beginning with pretending to be a boy and joining the _Leviathan._ When has she shown any rational judgment in the first place? It isn't like telling me that _she is a girl_ would've been too wild compared to anything else."

"_Mr. _Sharp," the loris agreed.

Dy—Deryn's insanity frustrated Alek for no particular reason except that she was a _girl_ on a _warship _who had thrown herself in the middle of danger to _fly. _It was completely and utterly wrong. But…Deryn wasn't much like any other girls now was she? And a better airman than Alek ever would be, he grudgingly admitted. Maybe this one girl was a particular exception, similar to Lilit. She was just as brave, and witty, and creative…and beautiful, now that he thought about it. And maybe that was why she didn't tell him back before he knew her as well as he did—or at least as well as he thought he did. It just seemed to make so much _sense_ to Alek that the betrayal and hurt faded. He could see why she go to any lengths to fly again. Wouldn't he do just about anything if he could feel, just for one moment, that his father was beside him again?

This knowledge proved something. It had do.

Alek had always imagined that Dylan was the sort of boy Alek himself would've loved to have been. As a girl, Deryn remained everything Alek wanted….

"So that's why she didn't tell me," Alek grumbled. "Thought I'd fall in love with her or something. That would explain what held Volger back."

And maybe she had been right, Alek mused, because he honestly and truly could see it, him loving Deryn. Which would be bad. Very bad.

For the first time in his life, Alek sympathized with his father.

He sighed before turning toward Bovril, facing the sinfully adorable creature straight in the eye. So he'd accepted that his best friend was a girl almost alarmingly quickly. But there was still a whole lot of discussion that needed to happen.

"The very second I see her, I'm going to tie her up and interrogate her," Alek said. Then he realized exactly what he'd said and it dawned upon him that he had sworn, fought, spit, and had even taken his shirt off once in the machine room half-way to Istanbul while taking care of the eggs _in front of a girl_. He paled.

"I can't jump her!" he cried, color coming back to his face with a vengeance at the very thought.

"Jump her," Bovril said, giggling. Alek turned a deeper shade of red and buried his face in his hands. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"I just won't let myself be distracted," Alek amended. "And that's it."

"Distracted from what?"

Alek jumped about a foot in the air. Standing in the door way stood Deryn herself, looking extremely smug with an excited glint in her eyes. Oh, she was beautiful indeed. How had he managed to mistake her for a boy? Ever?

"Ah," he said. Words had left him. She turned him into an illiterate what-do-you-call-'ems? Bum-rag. Yes, that sounded about right.

"No matter," said Deryn. "Barking spiders, do I have news for you!"

"Oh, wait, I have to—"

"No, listen," she said, grinning widely.

"But I know—"

"Wild news about Volger," Deryn said.

"Wild," Bovril said.

"News about the count?" Alek cried. "Is he alright?" Deryn smirked.

"Oh, I reckon he's more than alright," she said. "Did you know he fancies Dr. Barlow?" Alek made several choking noises beyond translation.

"Come again?" Alek said after a moment of sputtering. Deryn threw her head back and laughed.

"Think about it," she said. "They're perfect for each other!" And they were, Alek mused. Both crafty and almost cruel with their intelligence. Always a step ahead of everyone else, scheming and using people like pawns.

"But Volger…." Alek found it hard to imagine his old fencing tutor even finding a woman attractive. That and Alek found himself exasperated with Dr. Barlow so frequently that he couldn't quite picture her with anyone else either. She was so…independent.

"I wormed it out of him," Deryn said smugly. "And now I've locked him in a closet with Dr. Barlow." Alek actually choked on his own saliva at that, his eyes growing wide.

"You what?" he said.

"Locked 'em in a closet together," Deryn repeated.

"Together," chuckled Bovril.

"How did you manage _that_?" Alek asked, amazed. He hadn't even known that the ship _had _closets. Deryn winked mischievously and that was when Alek accepted that he was hastily falling in love with Deryn Sharp. Surprisingly, it actually felt kind of good.

"Come on then, you ninny," she said. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of his room, ignoring the fact that he was technically a prisoner.

Alek came to the conclusion that the subject of Dylan/Deryn—along with his undying love for her—could be discussed at a later point.

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><p>"I demand to be let out at once!" Dr. Barlow's voice echoed around the closet.<p>

For the first time in his life, Count Volger found himself to be panicking. He was stuck. In a closet. With Nora Darwin Barlow. As if it wasn't humiliating enough having been overtaken by a child. It wasn't that Deryn was a girl. Unlike Aleksander, Volger was not fool enough to underestimate the power of strong-willed women. That was part of his problem with Dr. Barlow, he supposed.

It hadn't begun like this, no not at all.

All she had started off as was someone smart. She was similar to him, the count had quickly realized, and better to not have as an enemy. So he'd started keeping a closer eye on her. But the longer his eye stayed…well, she was practically his equal! Except for the itsy bitsy fact that she was a Darwinist and he was absolutely not. Everything she stood for repulsed him. He was supposed to be taking care of the possible heir to Austria-Hungary.

He could've handled it—probably—if it weren't for the girl. Deryn Sharp. Her name was like acid on his tongue and he didn't even say it out loud.

She was right, of course. He could never tell Alek that his best friend wasn't a boy because it would be just like the little fool to go fall in love with her. She seemed his type. The worst part of the whole mess was that Volger always got a small twinge in his gut whenever he tried to think negatively of…caring intimately about the wrong person. Because his mind always went to Nora Barlow.

Then the Sharp girl had to spike his tea. Lord only knew where she got hold of the liquor. But the point was that the evil cross-dresser had gotten him to admit his, ah, feelings for the striking and_ very_ female doctor.

A whole week she'd dangled it over his head, as if her threat to Alek wasn't enough. Then, she told him Alek had trapped himself in a closet. Foolishly, the count had believed the conniving little sneak and rushed off to rescue the equally foolish prince, only to be shoved (so roughly he might've broken a nail!) into the closet. He had promptly fallen into Dr. Barlow's lap and spent the next ten minutes thanking the heavens for the blackness of the closet. He wasn't sure how he could possibly explain why his face was the shade of red he was sure it was.

And so here they were.

Dr. Barlow continued hollering for another few minutes. The count could've sworn he heard a quiet chuckle followed by a soft, "At once!" After a while, all fell silent.

"Lovely weather," Count Volger said into the awkward silence.

"Just peachy," Dr. Barlow growled. Volger couldn't remember having heard her so out of control. Then again, he wasn't really one to talk. And they were trapped in a closet. Volger didn't ask Dr. Barlow how she'd been stuffed in here.

"I'm going to strangle that girl," Dr. Barlow continued.

"Girl?" Volger asked. Dr. Barlow tensed beside him.

"Did I say girl?" she said.

"I already knew," he said loftily.

"Does Alek?"

"I should hope not," the count grumbled. "That would be disastrous.

"Why?" Dr. Barlow pressed. It was a tactic Volger was familiar with: sneaking information and interpreting it. He used it frequently.

"Well, you see Dr. Barlow—" he began, but she cut him off.

"Nora," she said. "Call me Nora." Volger had to blink a couple times to regain his senses. He thought of some choice words he would never say aloud in the presence of Dr. Bar—_Nora_.

What a beautiful name...

The count cleared his throat. Oh, this was becoming a whole new level of awkward. This was about when he was supposed to switch the tactic on her, make the doctor reveal some of _her_ secrets. But all Volger wanted to do was tell her everything. Thankfully, his sense of duty remained strong and he kept his mouth shut for the sake of Alek.

"Yes, Nora," he said. "Alek has a possibly more promising future than anticipated and the girl is, to be frank, his opposite and everything horrible for him."

"Because she's a Darwinist?" Nora asked. The _like me_ was unspoken, but very much there.

"Actually, I was more thinking she would drag him into the realm of cross-dressing," Volger said wryly.

"Which wouldn't be so bad if he was the heir to nothing," Nora observed. "But for the heir of Austria..."

Volger froze. The abominable woman had done it again!

Maybe it was because the closet was ridiculously cramped and claustrophobia was getting to him. Maybe it was because he knew she'd won. Again. But it was probably because he had feelings for Nora Barlow that were more obnoxious than the woman herself. No matter the cause, Count Volger proceeded to make a very child-like _harrumph_! and stamp his foot.

An awkward silence followed.

It occurred to Volger that he might just be suffering through an identity crisis. And it was all her fault. He cared for her all the more for it.

"Do you think you'll try to escape when we get to Asia?" Nora said suddenly. Well, it wasn't like things could get much worse.

"Probably," the count said dryly. "But the way things are going, I suspect we'll end up aboard the ship once again no matter what we do."

She laughed. It was soft for such a loud woman, but it suited her just fine.

"I shall miss your intelligence, Count," she said after a moment. She inched closer to him.

"Yes, it was nice to have someone of equal intellect around," Volger mused aloud. He moved another inch in her direction.

More silence.

And then—

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><p>"Barking spiders!" Deryn swore. "That's just repulsive!"<p>

"You're the one who locked them in a closet together," Alek reminded her. Deryn stroked her chin.

"I suppose I am, aren't I?" she said.

"So when were you going to tell me that you're a girl?"

Discussion time had arrived.

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><p><strong>I would keep going, but then it would become more DerynAlek centric and I think it's got enough of that already. Review?**


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